Thursday, June 16, 2011

Facebook: The Dreaded "Unfriend"

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Happy Thursday, Shopaholics! It seems this week has flown by, I can't believe it's almost time for the weekend! Yeah! :-)

Are you on Facebook? Silly question - of course you are! These days it's easier than ever to connect with family, old friends, new friends, current and potential customers, etc via Facebook. Where else can you keep up with friends you haven't seen in 20 years, have your Auntie hit you on the chat, and sell a piece of Lilly - all at the same time? Yep - that's Facebook.

Everyone manages their Facebook account differently, and in a manner which is comfortable to them. For me personally, I accept almost every friend request that comes my way. Unless I've been told by a trustworthy friend that someone is a total psycho or potential child molester (don't laugh - I've heard both of those stories) - I generally accept the friend request. As a result, I've reconnected with friends I haven't seen or talked with since as far back as elementary school. When you stop and think about it - the "reach" of Facebook is unlike anything ever created.

And even though I mostly accept all friend requests, there is one thing I never do: The Dreaded "Unfriend". You know - it just seems a little rude to me. If you didn't want to be friends with that person in the first place - why did you accept the friend request? Why hurt someones feelings if you don't have to? Disclaimer: if the person is harassing you, then by all means, unfriend and do it quickly. If that's not the case, you can always just hide them. I've only had to "block" one person, as she was harassing me and wants to see me die a slow death by lethal injection - that's a whole nother topic.

Imagine my surprise a few nights ago to discover - purely by accident - that I had been "unfriended". And not just by anyone - but by a fellow blogger. I should say here that I have 1100+ Facebook friends, and my newsfeed is generally clogged with all kinds of stuff. It takes a lot for me to discover I've been unfriended. The only reason I noticed? She had commented on something a mutual friend posted, and I thought to myself "Hey - I haven't seen her on my newsfeed in quite some time" so I clicked her name. When I noticed "Add As Friend" - knowing we were previously Facebook friends - I thought "whoa - she unfriended me".

I have to admit - my feelings were a little hurt. It appeared she kept a ton of our mutual friends (mostly other bloggers) on her personal friend list. Silly me - I thought this blogging community was pretty tight-knit and close. I thought we all stuck together and took up for one another. Apparently, that's not the case in every situation and with every blogger! And even in this community, there are cliques. Believe it.

You might be wondering why this blogger unfriended me. That makes two of us! Maybe we didn't have enough direct communication. Maybe she didn't think I was good enough to be in her inner circle - I really don't know.

To quote Oprah - this is "What I Know For Sure". While my little blog here may not be all about high society, royal weddings, boarding school, and interior design - what I do write about on Shopaholic In Alabama is ME. My life. My reality. I'm not trying to present myself to you as something I'm not.

I'm a Shopaholic. I live on the Alabama Gulf Coast.  I buy a ton of Lilly. I am happily married to my prince. I love college football. I am learning to like working out. I love to play in makeup and hair products, and visit the salon as often as possible. My priorities include my family, friends, life here on the coast and maintaining my health. I enjoy the beach, salt water fishing, cooking, reading and selling designer clothing and accessories online. What you see here on Shopaholic In Alabama - that's me. Period.

And about that Royal Wedding....of course I watched the Royal Wedding and appreciate it's historical value. I just thought it would be in poor taste for me personally to blog about it at a time when tornadoes were tearing up cities like Tuscaloosa and Birmingham that friends and family call "home". It seemed more appropriate to discuss my feelings, offer my support, and then blog about a special shopping event held by an Alabama based Lilly store to raise money for tornado victims.

Have you unfriended anyone on Facebook? If so - did you have a conversation first or just hit the button and *poof* they were gone? Have your feelings been hurt by the dreaded "unfriend"? Don't worry - now my feelings aren't hurt and I'm over it. It's their loss, not mine.

Have a great Thursday - I plan to enjoy a leisurely lunch with a friend I haven't seen in months, doing a little Father's Day shopping, and then off to the YMCA for exercise class. Tomorrow is Friday!


  1. I did de-friend a sister in law which started world war 3 in my family :-) I've had people who posted "weird" stuff and I've blocked their posts, that's like eliminating them without actually getting rid of them. I'm sure this was an accident Lori! If not don't take it personally - your blog is fabulous! Her loss!

  2. Well said! While I have never gotten the courage to de-friend someone (I couldn't imagine hurting someone's feelings), I am quite fluent in the area of blocking, hiding, etc. I don't take on everyone. Seriously...if I cannot think of any time that I have seen you, talked to you or blogged, tweeted, etc. I click "not now." My siblings and friends ask each other about people and then we'll find out no one knows them. I love your blog and I sure hope it wasn't me on FB--I'm going to check now to make sure. :) I personally don't write about Royal Weddings and that sort either. It's all about me. Happy Litlle Friday!

  3. I have "unfriended" I've done it in the situation of people who truly weren't "friends" but just using facebook as a way of creeping on my life and seeing who I knew and was commenting on. (And trust me, my life isn't THAT glamorous)

  4. i hate the unfriend - but i have to admit, i'm doing it slowly throughout this year.

    i have been unfriending people i no longer communicate with; either people who i went to college with and have no desire to keep in touch with - or people i met once or twice and i don't want them seeing my personal business... or friends ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. everyday i check to see who is having a birthday. if i don't know you well enough to wish you a happy birthday then you're unfriended.

    i've never unfriended someone i communicate with in blog or twitter world. i'm sorry to hear this happened to you.

    it has happened to me before, a few times. once it was an accident - i actually confronted the person and asked why they unfriended me. it turned out to be a facebook glitch.
    in another instance, the person and i had drifted apart and it was a gradual thing. the unfriending helped me to cut the cord.

    it's a terrible feeling, either way!! (and who could EVER want you to die a slow painful death??? that's terrible. you're a sweetheart!)

  5. I don't think I've ever unfriended someone on Facebook. I have an old roommate that I never wanted to friend in the first place, but since she friended me while we were still living together I couldn't exactly refuse her. I have thought about unfriending her - but I just can't bring myself to do it. It feels mean! I've got to admit I would feel the same way as you about the blogger who unfriended you.

    Side note - as far as not blogging about the royal wedding can I just say thank goodness!! Not that it wasn't beautiful and historical, but I was so over seeing it everywhere.

  6. I have unfriended some people because they were getting a little too nosy about my life and also were "over-commenting" on my Wall. It got to be annoying. I guess I don't see it as a huge deal and wouldn't care if I am de-friended. I don't really believe that FB friends are all "friends", some are more of aquaintances.

  7. I am guilty of the 'unfriend' but usually it is because there has been no contact on FB other than just being connected. I decided I wanted to keep people around who I have had interactions with. The only time I was hurt by being unfriended is when my cousins unfriended me... we weren't that close anyway. Oddly enough, I am more hurt when someone unfollows my blog.

  8. This has happened to me and I asked this girl about it and she said she never deleted me. Weird right? I believe her because there were some other people who were also magically unfriended from my page who I know didn't unfriend me and I didn't unfriend them (family members). Sometimes Facebook has a mind of its own.. So unless she really didn't like your posts or something maybe it was an accidental facebook glitch. Just throwing that out there :)


  9. Yes I have done it... And have had it done to me. I hate hurting people's feelings, but sometimes it's just that I never see them or communicate with them - or anyone they are also friends with.

  10. I have unfriended almost all bloggers unless they've (a) been with me from the beginning over two years ago and we interact and email and mail each other regularly (snail mother) or (b) I know them in person. It's not a personal issue, it's a safety issue and it was mostly because my Husband gets very concerned with people knowing personal stuff. He pretty much demanded I get rid of all blogers I don't know personally (and then stood there to watch me unfriend them). It's just that if you're not 100% sure who they are and you really only know them through the internet and rarely correspond on FB. Then it's just one of those things, wondering who else is looking through your friend's facebook at you. I know there are private settings, but with Lallie so young and facebook mainly being a family and close friend setting for me (I have around 200 friends, so it's not like I have 1,000 friends and singled out one blogger....I unfriended all of them.) I don't know, it's just an age of being able to find out something about another person anywhere, regardless of privacy settings, so that's all it is for us. It still is not fun (for lack of better words) being unfriended, it happens to us all. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, since it's someone you did usually correspond with, that's not fun.

  11. I am so sorry that someone hurt your feelings. I've been in a similar online group situation, just not on FB. It really stinks that some people are so seems like such a childish thing to do, doesn't it? I would just look at it as she did you a favor because at least now you know who your true friends are.


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